Sunday, 27 January 2008

11 ~ The one where Hayley found a lump (but it was nothing to worry about!!)

Some see a hopeless end, while others see an endless hope. ~ Author Unknown


It's been ages since I updated...I know I'm rubbish at it. But, I only really update when something has happened or I've had an appointment or something. Which I did this week but I'm just too lazy lol.

So, last Saturday I woke up and my left armpit was really sore and tender...I checked it for lumps and couldn't find anything. The pain went away gradually throughout the day so I thought nothing of it. Sunday I was in the shower and my armpit hurt me again so I felt it and then I felt a lump, a bit bigger than a pea. So, on Monday we went to the Hospital and the chemo nurses checked the lump and then I went to see the Dr. He said that it wasn't a lympth node (which was what I was worried about) and that he'd send me off for an ultrasound that week at some point. He said it could be a blood clot so I was given an injection to thin my blood and then was given 6 more to do myself at home - I was a bit worried about doing it myself at first, just in case I did it wrong lol. But it's been fine, it doesn't really hurt - just stings when it goes in and then afterwards for a while. You should see my bruises, they're huge! I was also given some antibiotics in case I had an infection (my PICC line had been hurting me again.)

I think it was Thursday (might of been Wednesday) that I went for the ultrasound. It took ages and the whole time the man just had this blank expression on his face so I was just thinking 'Oh God, what's he found?" Lol. In the end he said "Everything's fine" and the lump has gone!! Wohoo!! They think it was just swelling but it's gone now. Was very relieved to hear that news.

I keep getting hot flushes (they started on Wednesday), which is weird because I usually get them when I'm on steroids and I only started them today! I thought I would have a temperature when I get them but so far I haven't...strange!!
I went to the Spice Girls AGAIN last Tuesday (how lucky am I??) - the o2 arena phoned and said they wern't happy with how they treated us before we went last time. We explained that we'd already been but they still gave us 4 free VIP tickets. I took my friend David, Pete and my cousin, Hollie. I had a great time!! It seemed better than the first time but I think that was because I wasn't feeling so crappy and I could get up and dance a little bit!!

I start chemotherapy again's the long day about. I think we have to be there at 9:15am and we usually get home after 7pm!! I don't mind though cos everyone there is so nice and the day usually goes pretty fast. The only times I don't like going in is on Wednesday and Friday because I usually feel really ill and can't be bothered moving but I have to lol. It's going to be weird not going to the chemo unit anymore after this week because I've been there about 4523532626 times since mid December...I'll quickly say hi to Leah here cos I know she's read my blog!!

Have my PEG fitted on the 25th February...I'm a bit scared about it but I know I'll be alright. It's just weird knowing something will be coming out of my stomach lol.
Still dreading radiotherapy, like REALLY dreading it but I'm ready for it.

I'll be in the Essex Chronicle again nthis week coming up, also I was in the Echo last week and will be in the yellow advertiser this week lol. And, everybody (who lives in Essex) listen to Essex FM (102.6) cos yesterday me, Mum and Pete went and were interviewed. Well, I wasn't because I don't think they'd be able to hear me but on the news part there'll be a little section about my blog and having cancer so young.
So much for having a week off this week, lol. I think we've done something (Hospital appointment, photos taken. etc) every single day. Never's better than doing nothing I suppose!

Okay, I don't know when I'll update next. Probably not next week because of chemo but last time I was feeling a lot better by the Sunday so maybe I'll update then. Who knows!!

Thanks again for all your lovely comments, I really do love reading them. Every time I get an email saying I've recieved one I get excited, haha.


P.S - Almost bald now, doesn't bother me too much anymore. I do really miss my hair though!

P.P.S - I swear I had something else to say, but I've forgotten.

Thursday, 17 January 2008

10 ~ The one where Hayley had some good news to share

Once you choose hope, anything's possible. ~ Christopher Reeve

I have so much to update on but I'll begin this post with the good news!

Today I had an appointment to look at the results from the CT scan I had on Monday...anyway, I walked in to the room and was taken back by how many people were there lol (11 altogether!!) - It was quite daunting with that amount of Doctors and specialists in there lol.

Dr Tahir was there and said "Great news, the tumour has shrunk!!" - I was SO happy to hear that. I think I could of stood up and done a dance or something lol. So, they've decided that I will be having a 3rd cycle of chemotherapy before starting radiotherapy. I will be having that from the 28th of January, just to give it that extra kick in the arse.

We then spoke about the radiotherapy briefly, Dr Tahir told me that I might not be able to swallow (therefore wont be able to eat) because of the position of the tumour and where the radiotherapy thingy mijigs will be shot at so I am having a feeding tube fitted (going in to my stomach). I think that's happening in February some time - it will be done under local anesthetic and possibly sedation so I'm glad I'm not going to be knocked out.

It's going to be strange if I can't swallow!

After we spoke for a while Dr Pace Balzan put the evil camera in my nose and down my throat (didn't feel it at all this time!!) and had a look, took a picture and then compared it to the picture of the tumour that was taken a while ago and the difference is amazing. GREAT NEWS. I'm so so so so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, other stuff to update about.

I went to see the Spice Girls on Sunday the 13th, one word: AMAZING. was just so good. It was slightly frustrating that I couldn't cheer and sing along but I got over that after a while lol. I had a brilliant time and they were just fantastic fantastic fantastic. Thank you to the o2 arena staff for being so great and handling everything. last cycle of chemo went okay. The first day was a bit of a hassle as my PICC Line decided to not work, it wasn't even letting anything IN so we worked out I had a blood clot in there. So, I had to have the first lot of drugs in a cannula in my other hand while they put this dissolving stuff in my PICC Line. It DID clear the clot, but I had this really bad pain in my chest so they figured that's where the clot most probably was. They scheduled an x ray for the Tuesday to see if it was in the right place and it was!

When they started the first lot of chemotherapy drugs I had a reaction (All I seem to do is cause problems lol) - they literally hooked me up, my heart started racing and I could feel the blood boiling and rising to my head so I told the nurses, they disconnected me and then I was fine. It was really weird! Turns out my body had made antibodies to reject the chemo lol But they pumped me with some other stuff and then started the chemo again and then I was fine.

Because of all that palaver I had to go in on Tuesday and Wednesday to get more chemotherapy and then it worked out that I missed some 5FU but they said that it doesn't matter so it's all good!

I had some side effects but NOTHING compared to last time. Just felt tired, had weird eyes (Can't concentrate on anything), a bit of nausea and just feeling crappy - but I'm feeling great now.

Hair loss chat - I am sporting some mega big bald patches now! Haha. I don't mind now though, I don't really think about it anymore. I wear bandanna's when I go out and it is annoying when people stare but what ever. I don't even think about losing my hair anymore to be honest, well, apart from when I look in the mirror. I have a little ponytail still and it feels like I could pull it and it would come out lol - I'm not sure if it'll all come out. My hair was so thick in the first place so maybe it'll just stay like this, I don't know. But I'm not bothered either way. I have a sore scalp still, it seems to be in patches and it comes and's a bit sore today but not too bad.

I think that's everything that I came to say! I know I should update more but I'm just plain lazy. And when I have chemo I don't really come on the internet (or do anything but sleep) for a couple of days so there's my excuse for a few of the days lol.

I hope everyone is well, thank you so much for my comments. I can't actually reply to any of you but if you want to reply leave your email address and I'll email you when I have the time!


P.S - I love this picture of my dog, hehe.

Saturday, 5 January 2008

9 ~ The one where Hayley got her wig

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Who likes the bald patch I'm sporting at the front there? I know I don't lol. My fringe is like...gone. Every time I went to tuck it behind my hair it just came out in my hands lol. I have a big forehead, that's why I had a fringe! My hair is so thin now, I reckon this time next week I'll be completely bald. Boo. It's so weird having hardly any hair left, my head gets really cold lol. I know that it still looks like I have a lot of hair but compared to what I had, that's hardly anything! It's in a ponytail by the way...

I got my wig today, I didn't really enjoy the experience because even if people think it looks real, I know that it isn't and I don't think I'll ever be able to see past that. It's a nice wig though and my Mum said it looks okay so I'll trust her. I don't think I will wear it a lot, maybe when I go out with my friends - I have a few hats now (That actually fit my head!! *Faints*) and 3 bandana's, a buff and then a zandana. I also just ordered another buff so I'll have plenty of choice.

I don't really have much to update on because nothing has been going on really. I do have a CT scan booked for the 17th of January, it's to see if the tumour has shrunk. I HOPE SO. They're also thinking of introuducing a third cycle of chemotherapy before I start my radiotherapy. I think on the 17th I've also got an appointment with Dr. Tahir to discuss the radiotherapy and ask questions and everything. I am quite scared about the radiotherapy but I'm sure I'll be fine.

Start my 2nd cycle of chemotherapy on Monday - I am really hoping I'm not as ill as last time because I am meant to be going to the Spice Girls 2 days after I finish. I am determined to go, even if it means going in a wheelchair and taking naps throughout it, haha. Dr Tahir did say that I wont be as ill as I was last time because the dosage has been reduced so let's keep our fingers crossed. Although, I would go through what I did last time as long as it works. It wasn't the worst thing in the world, people have it much worse than me so I wont complain. I just need to remember to drink lots next time cos once I had some fluids in me I started feeling so much better.

My PICC Line has been hurting the past couple of days, just where the line goes in to my arm. I think it's just getting used to having a wire going in there lol. My scalp is also quite sore, it feels like a cross between having a sunburnt scalp and when you have your hair in a tight ponytail and you take it out and it really hurts your head. I need to stop moaning lol.

Believe it or not, I am still feeling incredibly positive about all of this. I AM going to get better, it's just gonna be a bit of a pain in the bum getting there!! I don't feel ill, at all. I don't get out of breath anymore and my voice has started to come back. I'm not putting pressure on myself with it though cos I can concentrate on that once I'm in remission but I get excited everytime a little bit of voice comes out lol.

I don't have anything else to say...apart from HAPPY NEW YEAR!! This has been a bit of a boring post, sorry. I don't know when I will next update, maybe in the week or after my next cycle of chemo has finished. I just wrote "...or after my next cycle of chemo has worked" - maybe it's a sign!! Lol.