Friday, 7 December 2007

6 ~ The one where Hayley had to wait nearly three hours

Fear can keep us up all night long, but faith makes one fine pillow. ~Philip Gulley

Another picture of me looking rough! Oh well...

Today I had an appointment at Broomfield Hospital at 9am. There was a bad accident on the A12 today so my oncologist, Dr Tahir was in traffic for almost three hours. I was literally falling asleep in the waiting room cos I didn't get to sleep until 5am and I woke up at 8am. This lack of sleep is doing my head in! I just get so tired during the day and then I'm wide awake in the night.

Anyway, Dr Tahir was LOVELY. Adele came in with us and wrote things down which was very helpful! Dr Tahir apologised for keeping me waiting so long and he was just generally nice. He answered all of my questions and he also seemed very positive about my treatment working.

Basically, I will most probably be starting chemotherapy on the 17th December for 5 days. I will then take a 3 week break and go back for another 5 days with chemo. Then I will have a 5-6 week break and then I will have radiotherapy 5 days a week for about 7 weeks and 1 dose of chemotherapy a week. It's going to be tough and I'm not really looking forward to it but as I always say...I'll deal with it lol. He explained that I will get side effects (possible side effects are tiredness, sickness, tingling in toes and fingers and diarrhea) and that the first three days will be the worst. After that week I will feel crap for about two weeks after and then start feeling better but then I'll be having my next dose of chemotherapy so I'll start feeling crap all over again, haha.

I might be having a PICC line ( and if that is the case then I most probably wont have to stay in the Hospital for 5 days. If I have just a cannula I will be in Hospital for the 5 days. My veins don't seem to be the best because everytime I have a cannula it always managed to get messed up so we'll see how it goes! In a way I'd prefer to stay in the Hospital just in case anything happened (touch wood it doesn't though!) - but then I suppose I'll get bored being in there.

The bad news (for me) is that I probably will lose my hair. I was quite upset about it because once I lose my hair it's then that people actually know I've got cancer. And people will probably look at me differently and everything. Also, if you know me you should know how much I love my hair. I hate even getting it cut! Lol. I will miss it so much, it keeps my head warm! But at the end of the day, it will grow back 3-6 months after I finished treatment. They did mention the cold cap but I don't think I'll bother.

The chemotherapy might also affect my fertility. But, I wont be freezing my eggs or anything. I'd love to be a Mum one day and even if I am infertile, I still can be a Mum. I just wont do it the 'normal' way. There is an option to try and save some eggs but it'll take some time and I really don't want to wait any longer to get things started. The sooner I get treated, the better!

We didn't talk much about the radiotherapy because Dr Tahir said I'll just get too confused so we'll discuss that nearer the time. I'm more scared about that than anything cos I'll be like pinned down to a table with my head in this plastic mask, some sort of torturing device if you ask me! Haha. But, if it gets rid of the cancer then it's all good. Well, it's not all good but it'll be worth it!

Dr Tahir also said that there's a 90% chance that this will work! Which is great. He said that my age is a good thing, everything else is good with me health wise and also that my attitude is so great. So those points are on my side and will hopefully all contribute to kicking this cancers arse!!!!!

I think I had more to say...but I can't actually remember now.

Oh yeah, I have an appointment on Friday to go and visit the chemotherapy ward and I am going to get a phonecall to say when they're available to try and insert a PICC line in to me. If not then I'll just have a canulla every time I get the treatment.

OH! I forgot some MORE good news. The oncologist said that my voice will start coming back after the first cycle of chemotherapy. It will take time but I can't wait. I miss it so much.

This is my homework --->

The three drugs in the chemo I'm having are Florouracil (5FU), Docetaxel and Cisplatin. Cisplatin is the one drug that I will keep getting with the radiotherapy.

Anyway, bye bye!



  1. Again, sweetheart, you amazed me with how strong you were/are when listening & discussing options with Mr Tahir. He is a lovely man, I agree - and the best thing for me is knowing how special you are to the whole team who are gonna help you to kick this cancers butt.

    Of course, I don't need to tell you how special you are to me, all your family and lovely friends (online and nearby)

    I hope you wont lose your hair :-( But IF you do, it will be for a short while and you know it will grow back :-)

    Without cancer and with are still YOU...My amazing beautiful thoughtful kind daughter...and nothing will change that.

    You are loved so much!

    love and hugs sweetie,


  2. Hey Hayley

    Sorry it's my first comment, Pete kept getting the addy confused so I couldn't check it at work and you know how he hogs the computer here ;)

    I just wanted to say how amazing you have been throughout this whole thing, you have taken it a lot better than most people your age and even though I am an unofficial part of your extended family, it doesn't stop me being proud of you! So well done!

    The next few months will be hell for you I know, but I felt really positive when Pete updated me with what you know of your treatment plan. I just can't wait till your treatment starts so you can indeed 'kick cancer's arse'!!

    Just don't ever forget what a brilliant loving supporting close network of family and friends you have who will stick by you and support you every step of the way - hair or no hair!

    Take care and look forward to seeing you this afternoon. We will have to get some more 'crazy pics' like your stay in the summer - they are some of my fav fotos.

    Catch you soon

    Hugs and Kisses

    A. Dave

  3. Heya,
    its such a shame you're not closer, i'd really like to do a photoshoot of you involving your hair before it goes.
    but its gonna grow back anyway so don't you worry.
    perhaps i can send you a hat in the mean time

  4. hiya hay i cant believe how strong u are about the cancer i will be thinking of you all the time. i think this is fantastic wat u are doing. you could borrow some of my hair lol but there wont be much to borrow love ant xxxxxxxxxxxx

  5. Hi Hayley Sweets, You are the most beautiful and wonderful girl ever. Sweety nothing in this world can stop you from beating this cancer's arse BIG TIME, You have such great strong strength and a positive mind set, you believe in yourself, thats all that matters, Believe me sweety you will be cured of this, things will do get tough but don't ever lose hope and strength,remember you are HAYLEY, a strong kind girl, who is loved so much by everyone...You have all my prayers, ur in my thougths all the time, sweets you will DO IT.. We are here for you always and forever...
    Love u loads.
    take excellent care.

  6. Hope you are having a good weekend.
    We have our grandson staying with us this weekend - he usually stays every second weekend.
    I think I'll go to bed now before I ... z-z-z-z-z-z

  7. I have recently gone thru Chemo and radiation for oral cancer. I had cisplatin and was told I would lose all my hair. When I was told that news, I cried and cried. My hair had always been long for my whole life. From there, I went out and cut my hair short. I figured if Im going to lose it, then it wont be so bad if its short. Guess what happened? I did not lose my hair!!!! I did lose a little hair on the back of my neck, but that was from the radiation, not the chemo. This is completly unnoticeable.

    I went thru 7 weeks of radiation. During this time, my attitudes changed about alot of things. I was so worried I would lose my hair before I started treatment. But, beleive it or not, while going thru treatments I forgot about losing my hair.

    I always had a positive attitude, which is very important in fighting this disease. I wish you the best of luck. Feel free to contact me if you have questions.


  8. Hayley, what a spirit, what a determination, what a wonderfull niece, you have touched me to the point of emotion, but what a proud emotion, and i`m sending it right back to you, it`s my way of helping you `kick cancers arse`.

    With your positivity and focus, along with the love that everyone has for you, you`ll do it, you`ll kick its arse well & truly.

    So if there`s any chance i`ll get an `invite` to that `piss up` that everyones got planned for you, id like to share a drink or two with you.

    You have all my love and admiration, your an amazing young women, stay strong.

    Love always
    `old uncle tel` X

  9. Dear Hayley,
    I really do admire your courage and your positive attitude. You deserve the very best of everything and if love and support can get you through this, then I hope you know that I love you loads and that I am here for you anytime

    love auntie Pam xxx

  10. Look at your messages Hayley! You are one popular chick!
    Just stopping by to say I read this faithfully every time it's updated. As you know anyway lol. It must be scary thinking about not having any hair, but you will still be gorgeous. I mean it, you will. If you ever watch America's Next Top Model they ALWAYS make one of the girls have a drastically short haircut, and they always cry at first, but then they totally rock it! You can be one of those chicks ;-). And you can totally rock earrings and accessories, like Samantha did in Sex and the City (if you ever watch it!!) - Oh yes, I am so going to be your stylist ;-) - Now that's quite a scary thought isn't it?!! Hehe!
    I do tend to ramble on in my messages to you, but I like leaving them! I am so gutted you can't make the o2 on the 13th...If I could do anything to get you there, I would! I promise I'll take millions of pictures and videos though and could even phone you and hold it up like a lunatic when they're singing your fave songs, lol. God I love how you are like the only other Spice Girls fan I have fabulous taste my love!!
    Anyway one of these days I'll get my arse on msn...My laptop has a webcam and it seems like it works pretty well, so we can wave like loons on that or something hehe. And I can make stupid signs and hold them up lol!
    Okay enough rambling from me, take care, and lots and lots and lots and lots of love!

  11. Hi Hayley,

    I'm sorry to read about all the treatment you are going to have to go. I know it's going to be a tough ride but your determination is absolutely astounding. There's no doubt you're gonna get through this.

    Losing your hair (if it happens) is going to be hard. I had a little girl in my class called Emily who had kidney cancer. She was five and had to have chemotherapy and did lose her hair. She wore some great scarves and looked so cool. She beat her cancer like you will. Her hair grew back really quickly. She was a beautiful girl, before the cancer, during the cancer and is beautiful still- just like you are now and will be. Any decent human being truly knows that beauty comes from within and my God girl you are exceptional, nothing will change that.

    Just a thought, but I know here in the US that lots of people who have long hair have theirs cut to make into hair pieces for others who have had chemotherapy. Maybe if you wanted to, you could that with your own hair. As I said , just a thought.

    Well sweetheart you are in my thoughts and prayers as always.

    Love you


  12. Hi Hay Uncle Pete here again.

    Just wanted to say im so proud of you for showing such strength and positiveness during the appointment with Mr Tahir, and the whole way through this journey so far. I thought Mr Tahir was a really nice bloke, one of the good guys and im glad he will be managing your treatment.

    So you may lose your hair Hay but at the end of the day its only hair and it will grow back, as long as you kick the arse off the cancer thats all that matters.

    I will stick to my promise ha ha and shave mine off completely like i said, so we will look like twins LOL. I was thinking a nice pink bandana would suit me? what do you think.

    Right Jacz if your reading this i wanted to say Hi, and let you know im a fellow spice girl fan too "Woop Woop", i think me you and Hay should get together and practice our dance moves PMPL Ha Ha.

    Anyway Hay i best go, you know where i am if you need anything!

    Love you tonnes

    Take Care

    Uncle Pete xxxxx

  13. HI AUNTIE PETE *waves* Hayley told me to come and read your message hehe! (Sorry Hayley, using your entry like a message board now lol!)
    YAYY a fellow spice girl fan! You know in my office at work I am completely outnumbered by Take That that sucks! Spice Girls rule forever! In fact if you go on their official website now you can order personalised Spice Girls t-shirts!! I wonder what silly message we could think of to put on one for Hayley?! Lol! They rock though, so hint Hayley Bayley, it is nearly Christmas after all....!!
    Anyway yes we should meet up and practice dance moves, I know the Wannabe moves!! Hehe, yes, I am indeed a child of the 90s!!!
    Hmm well I'd best go but it was very cool to get a message from you! And HELLO HAYLEY *waves* though I'm going to text you now anyway!!!
    Love you lots and lots like polka dots!

  14. omg i just read auntie pete comment!! and i just cant stop laughing thinking about him practising his dance moves!! lol

  15. Hay me and you are gonna have to do a spice girls dance like we do in the car, i will get Auntie Dave to video it and we can add it to your blog LOL how funny would that be.

    Love you xx

  16. Hi dollface,

    I'd just like to say all the cool people get there hair shaved at least once in their life, so, if it happens and it may not, wear it proud - make it your statement and show your grand kids what a rebel you were!
    You know, they say that if you shave your hair off once it comes back really thick and lustrous so your hair will be new and improved when it grows back - think of that!
    With all the treatment that you will have to endure over the next few months, I'd be worried for you if you were any less of a person, but you can look this cancer in the eye and know that you are stronger than it and therefore it is purely a matter of time before you kick it's arse. You are exceptional Hayley and you should be very proud of the young lady you have become. We love you lots and will see you soon. I'll text you later about this weeks rendezvous. XXxx

  17. i hope they ca get ur weird tubey thing in cos having a canula everytime cant be too freaking pleasant lol.. justdrill a hole there. sorted :P
    luffle u x

  18. hi Hayley

    Well pete has been keeping updated on whats happening and your one strong girl x x I know at times you must feeling 'why me'? and feel really scared at times x x

    My mum had breast cancer at 30 and she fount the strength and beat this this, you will to through your journey through the strengh of your amazing family and friends and your will indeed kick this cancers butt.

    here always

    simone x x x

  19. wow i see you have a lot more readers these days!! Go hayley!! might not lose your hair by the way..lets hope not aye?
    I am cheering you on from across the pond..

    love Lynxx

  20. Hayley, I need your email address please because i am going to put my blog on 'friends only' LOL. Therefore I have control over who views it. (bloop me it lmao)
    Sarah xx

  21. Hi hon, I'm a friend of your Mom's. I wanted to come by and tell you I think your courageous as all get out. Cancer doesn't have a chance with a fighting spirit like yours. You have a wonderful family backing you up all the way. I know the feeling of wanting to be brave and take on the world.....but let your family be there and love you along the way. Your strength can do nothing but grow with the love and devoting of those who are in your court. Keeping you in my prayers on the smoke! (Hugs) Indigo

  22. Hi Hayley sweets, just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, you wrote that your chemotherapy may start on 17th dec, all the best for that hayley, its the first step towards beating this cancer, and Sweets we all have firm faith that you will be cure of it completely.God willing you have long, healthy, happy life ahead of you... You are such a Special girl with amazing strength of spirit, Nothing can keep you from beating this, You have all of Our Prayers and Love.
    You know we are here for you always, supporting you all the way, Always remember that you are loved so much. your dad and I are here Hayley..All the very very Best.. You have our full support on every step...We are so very proud of you.
    take good care
    love u loads.

  23. *hugs* Well, good luck with your treatment hun. I hope that you don't get too sick with the chemo. It's good that you have such a positive attitude about this! I think that will help you get through this a lot easier! And you have plenty of family and loving friends to surround you, so that's good. Let us know if you are going to be in the hospital with the chemo or if you are getting the other thing (i forget what it's called!).

  24. Oi oi (saveloy!)

    Just a quick message to wish you luck for tomorrow and the whole of this week - not that you need it as you are so strong!

    Take care of yourself, and lean on your family when they need you that is what they (we!) are for.

    I feel a bit of a Friends DVD Marathon coming on!

    *Big Hug!*

    A. Dave


  25. aw it's a shame if you do lose your hair but it won't take long to grow back..Linda x x

  26. Hi Hayley,
    So sorry it's taken me so bloody long to post a message on here - but the times I have tried before -nowt happened - so hope this does!
    Pete and your Ma have been updating us on how you have been and the treatment which you are so bravely undertaking.
    After reading all your entries and the messages left for you, it reminded me just how courageous, inspirational and beautiful you are Hayley, and no amount of potential hair loss can take those amazing attributes from you.
    I know I dont get over to Essex as much anymore to see Pete and the rest of you guys, but just wanted to let you know that despite this, you and all the fam are in my thoughts often.
    Go kick that C word's arse hayley!
    Loads of love,

    Jody & Andy

  27. i idolize you for how strong you are being its amazing to see that you have coped with it so well.You must have an angel with you darling because your going to pull through this and be a very strong independant women.Much love.xxxx

  28. Dear Haley

    I have a friend who is in B10 ward at the moment and I just happen to come across you by chance. May I say that you are one very brave girl and the constitution that you have is fantastic. I am sure you will kick the big "C". I too had cancer when I was 21 and I am now 55! Keep up that very strong spirit of yours - we are all with you on this.

    With fond regards