Saturday, 1 December 2007

3 ~ The one where Hayley couldn't think of a title

Never, never, never give up. ~Winston Churchill

Hey guys,

Thank you for all your lovely comments. I love reading them! You can leave a comment now with out signing up for an account...I know that a few people didn't want the hassle of filling out the form so I thought I'd allow all comments.

Not a lot is going on, my breathing seems to be getting a lot better. But I think that's because I haven't been doing much, haha. I do still get out of breath easily but it's nothing compared to the weekend. I thought I was going to die at one point, not nice.

My Mum phone Charing Cross Hospital today and I have to be there for 10am next Wednesday. I know they're going to want to look down my throat with the camera. I'm dreading that part but oh well, just get on with it! I'm seeing someone called Mr Sandhu and then apparently another Dr, Mr Clarke is going to look at my scans and everything and decide whether he wants to do the laser surgery or not.

If they decide to do it it'll be a matter of DAYS before my operation (from Friday onwards I guess) - woah. It's all happening so fast...but I am really glad! It's so reassuring knowing everything is happening so quickly and that everybody is trying to do what's best for me in the long term.

I am sort of hoping for the surgery, but sort of not lol. Preferably I'd like to NOT have cancer but you know...I've got it so I have to deal with it. I am just scared of being under anesthetic, in case I don't wake up. BUT I've done it once before and I was fine so I'm sure that this time I'll be okay.

I'll write in here once I know what's going on for sure

I am having to sell my ticket to the Spice Girls (on December 16th) which I am gutted about. But hopefully my Uncle Pete and I can get tickets for January time...I loooooved the Spice Girls when I was growing up and I saw them in concert in 1999 I think. Anyway, when the tickets were realeased I got WAY too excited and booked a ticket. Key word 'A' - it didn't even register in my head that I would be going on my own, haha. My friends happened to be going on the same date but they are over the other side of the stadium - I don't think I will be well enough to go on my own, if I was sitting with them it'd be a different story. But, I'm not lol. Oh well...I really do hope we can get more tickets for January. If not then I'll cry. A lot. Haha.

I have't got much else to say really, I'm still feeling very positive about this. I don't think I let myself think about it too much, there is no point in thinking about it all the time and feeling sorry for myself. I don't think so anyway. I see this is a test, a test that I'm going to WIN!!!!!

I have been trying to look at websites for young adults with cancer, and just generally people with cancer but all the ones I've come across just depress me too much. The information on there is good but when I go to the forums it's just full of stories of peoples' loved ones passing away from cancer. I know that they're going to a place to talk about their feelings and share their stories but I don't think someone who is battling cancer wants to read about that, you know? It is great that they're getting support but I personally want to read stories of people beating cancer.

Thanks again for all your lovely comments,



  1. You are amazing. In just 2 days, this blog has become very important to me. Thanks.

  2. Roll on Wednesday!! Can't wait for you to be through this, I know it's you having to have the operation but it can only be a good thing!...I want you back up and running, doing the housework, walking the dog...making my dinnrs (as if)...AND, perhaps even, you will stop calling me SLAVE! LOL

    Love you sweetheart xxxx

  3. We're behind you Hayley :o) keep smiling! You're going to be fiiine! xxx

  4. First of all, I can't believe you have been calling poor Cups a slave lmao. You are so funny.
    Anyway, I think I am about the only person who hasn't commented you saying something nice to you lol. So, even though I'm sure you know this already I just want to let you know that I am here for you all the way through this, and that if you ever need to talk (whisper or text lol) then obvioulsy you have my number.
    I love you, and you will be fine, let me know how it goes next week

  5. Hayley Bayley!
    Firstly, apologies for not messaging you much...this keyboard is rubbish as d and e are still broken so it hurts to press them lol! And it's rather restrictive not writing words containing d or e!!
    Thank you for writing this and letting us into your journey - You are so strong and positive and a complete and utter inspiration. And don't be scared of not being you any more - You're still Hayley :)
    Good luck with everything and never feel alone (not that you ever could judging by all your comments!!) because I'm here for you always. And if you're ever in London then give me a shout and I'll come and see you! :).
    Love and big squishy hugs, sorry that this has ended up being an essay!!!

  6. hey hay (oi oi it rhymes!) my twin!
    Have you thought about making a website of your own? I mean, you say that the sites you go on are why not make your own telling your story (just like you're doing here!) to encourage people? I mean, i can always help you, and i can help you make a forum space too where you can have general chit chat and a jokes section and things like that? I mean it's totally upto you, but you could always get it advertised on websites and that to encourage younger adults like yourself that they can beat it (and will beat it! just like you!)

    Goodluck for wednesday hun! Love you loads n loads n loads udder!

  7. Hi Hay

    Uncle Pete here! Was nice to read your latest entry, im so glad you are feeling positive! I have no doubt at all in my mind that everything will be fine, yes there are a few horrible things for you to go through but i just get through it by concentrating on the day the consultant gives you the all clear and then life can carry on as before! My god it is gonna be one good piss up when you get the all clear - Manchester here we come and we are gonna party party party LOL (no getting out of breath and worrying about walking too far!) Just a bloody good time with loads of drnking and dancing ha ha ha. Glad the appointment is arranged for Wednesday least things can move on and your treatment can start eh. Been looking at spice girl tickets tonight and i think the best time for us to go is the middle of January if thats okay with you, we definately cant miss the spice girls, do you remember when me and mum took you and ry when you were little??? So funny - you and Ry were tired and grumpy and me and mum danced like a pair of freaks to the whole concert ha ha ha. Anyway hun i better go i am watching a dvd and being very unsociable ha ha. See you soon hun love you tonnes and you know where i am if you need anything.

    love always
    Uncle Pete

  8. Hi Hayley,

    Thanks for sending us the link to your blog. Ammarah and I are very concerned about you, but also have faith that everything will turn out OK. Medical experts always say that winning in a battle with something like this is heavily dependent on mind-set. You have an outstanding mind-set and have many people including our side of the family behind you 100%. We love you very much and are looking forward to bringing you to Kuala Lumpur to visit as soon as you can. We will keep checking this blog and of course talking to you so we are current on everything that is happening. Thanks to everyone else for caring about Hayley. It's much appreciated and great to know she has so much love around her. Grandma & Grandpa Russell and Jason, Lee and the boys send their love. You are in all our prayers.

    Love Dad & Ammarah

  9. Hi Hayley, I am so very glad that you started this page of yours to keep everyone updated, you are such a kind and considerate girl, and believe me your are going to inspire so many with your courage and positive attitude, If anyone can beat this its you Hayley and beat it you WILL, you have such a wonderful and supportive family.... plus you yourself are one in zillion, Please know that we are here for you all the way, my prayers are always with you..
    Take good care.

  10. Dear Hayley,
    I wish you all the best with everything. Your spirit, determination and courage are awesome.
    You will be fine. You know you will be fine cos when I say someone is going to be fine they better damn well be fine ... or else! LOL
    Just relax hon, and you'll be ... um ... fine! :)
    (aka Grungepappy at Bloop Diary)

  11. hey lemon head. :)
    I am glad you are still looking on the sunshine side of things.
    I will come see you Wednesday after work if you are about?? And i will be seeing you thursday against ur will. :D
    I hope they hurry up an decide on the surgery and just get it over and done with so u can take me bloody ice skating ;P haha.
    i love you very much.
    You will be fine. how does a camera down ur throat fee anyway? do u feel like ur gna gag???
    i love you

  12. Hi hayley!!

    Me & Rhianna love you xxxxxxxxx You are going to get through this and everything will be fine!!

    Don;t worry about the bloop meet, we will meet as soon as you are better so dont feel bad or anything!


  13. Hi Hayley,

    Good to see you hanging in there with your never-ending positive attitude !!!

    I'm glad things are moving along quickly with the hospital. lol sounds like you have too many other important things to be getting on with.

    Try not to "bog' yourself down with reading too much on the internet. ( I've been told that so many times myself by people haha and end up feeling more confused and depressed).

    Well girly,keep up the good spirits and keep thinking all those happy , smiley thoughts.

    Lots of hugs, kisses and prayers coming your way.

    Shona xoxoxoxoxo

  14. Mr Sandhu is one of the best! A real good guy. I am sure you will be fine and do well- your positive attitude will make all the difference. Giving you the final result was difficult for us all, but we were blown away in clinic that day by your attitude-Girl Power!!

    I really wish you all the best

  15. Hayley,

    I found your site from your mom's listing on the Oral Cancer Foundation. It boggles my mind how this awful cancer could touch someone so young.

    My husband was diagnosed with cancer on the base of his tongue (near his throat area) in May. He went through a lot with chemo and radiation. The great news is that he is doing really well now!!

    I kept a daily family blog of what was going on with my husband and how the kids and I were coping throughout the whole experience. Writing about it helped me get through it.

    I think it's great that you are writing this blog. It will be something special you can share with your grandkids. Because I'm sure your going to kick this cancer's arse and have a great long life!


  16. Hi Hayley,

    I got here thru OCF too. My son was 21 when he was diagnosed with cancer. I won't say it was easy -- but he made it through. It's just seven month later and he is back to talking, back to eating, back to working, and now he and his GF have moved into their own apartment.

    The first step in surviving this thing is to believe you can ;)

    -darcy (Matt's Mom)

  17. hi there..i am a friend of your mums and wanted to come by and offer my support! you are gonna kick cancers arse alright!

  18. you have one of the best allies on your are positive!! sorry you had to let your spice girls ticket go! Linda x x